This Relationship Dynamic Can Increase Intimacy & Communication (2024)

If you're familiar with the terms "open relationship" and "polyamory," you might be curious what throuples are all about. While not exactly the same as polyamory, throuples are one type of ethically nonmonogamous relationship, and they come with a unique set of benefits—but also challenges.

Here's what to know about throuples, including how to make them work, according to relationship experts.

What is a throuple?

A throuple, which is a mix of the wordscoupleandthree, is a romantic relationship between three people, in which all three people are intimately linked with the other two. Media representation tends to portray throuples as two bisexual women and one straight man, but they can consist of any combination of genders.

Throuples can also be just ascommitted to one anotheras duo couples, despite lacking the legal framework to recognize their relationship by law.

As relationship expert and certified sex therapistDe-Andrea Blaylock-Solar, LCSW, CST, tells mindbodygreen, throuples don't have a hierarchy but rather are balanced. "Throuples can also be closed, but they don't have to be, meaning that each partner may have additional partners if they have an open relationship, or it can be a closed thouple or 'triad,' where it's just the three of them," she explains.

As licensed therapist Jennifer Schneider, MSW, LCSW, LICSW, adds, "Three individuals who are in a relationship with each other very often prefer to be called a 'triad' rather than 'throuple.'" (We'll use "throuple" and "triad" interchangeably throughout this article.)

Throuple keywords:

Polyamory versus throuples

A throuple isn't exactly the same as polyamory or an open relationship, although they can overlap. All three terms are subsets under the umbrella of ethical nonmonogamy.

Polyamory, for instance, refers to the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one person, with the informed consent of all people involved. Polyamorous people believe and honor the idea that it's perfectly normal, desirable, and possible to love, be attracted to, and be intimate with more than one person at a time.

Anopen relationshipis a relationship in which a romantically bonded couple (or throuple!) decides to have sex with people outside of their relationship—usually without forming long-lasting emotional bonds or commitment. (Here'show to ask your partner for an open relationship,if that's sparking some curiosity.)

A throuple, then, is an example of polyamory (i.e., loving more than one person at a time), and throuples may or may not be in open relationships, depending on the preferences of those involved. Throuples may be open to love outside of the triad, and each person in the relationship may also have other partners, lovers, or dates.

Misconceptions about throuples & nonmonogamy

"Throuples don't experience jealousy"

It might be easy to assume that if three people have decided to date each other, they wouldn't get jealous of each other, but that is not always the case. As Blaylock-Solar tells mindbodygreen, jealousy is something we all have the capacity to experience, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

"I think it's important to hold space for jealousy and evaluate where it's coming from—and understand that, even in the most open relationships, jealousy may rear its head," she adds.

"Throuples are all about sex"

One might think that people in throuples are only in it for the sex, and while a flourishing sex life can be a benefit of this relationship dynamic, many throuples will tell you it's not all about sex.

In fact, for many throuples, emotional support and intimate connection are the main priorities, just like in other kinds of romantic relationships.

"Three's a crowd"

Lastly, another common misconception about throuples is that one person is always a "third wheel," but when done right, that isn't the case. Of course, it is possible for jealousy to crop up, but throuples prioritize clear communication and the whole point of the dynamic is that all three people feel fulfilled together.

Tips for a thriving throuple

According to Blaylock-Solar, the most important thing to consider if you want your throuple to thrive is direct and honest communication. It's important for everyone involved to understand what it is they're wanting and expecting from the relationship and, further, making sure everyone is on the same page and can come to an agreement about what's expected.

This one ties into communicating, but you'll need to set ground rules and boundaries in a throuple relationship, just like in any other relationship. Whether you're thinking about sleeping arrangements, or if the throuple is open or closed, all three of you need to be on the same page, Blaylock-Solar says.

And as Schneider adds, this will look different for every triad. "There are no specific 'rules' that all triads follow," she says. In fact, most throuples have their own unique relationship agreements, so it's not possible to give across-the-board examples of how they work. As a unit, the three people must decide what approach they want to take and what dynamics feel good to them in terms of who has sex with whom, where everyone sleeps, how date nights work, etc.

And of course, working with a therapist is always a good idea if you're in a throuple or considering entering one. According to relationship expertBeth Bloomfield-Fox, LPC, "Meeting with a therapist or relationship coach who is poly-aware and acceptingbeforeintroducing new parties and dynamics is a great first step."

Here's a helpful directory you can use to find a therapist who specializes in polyamorous relationships.

Benefits of throuples

Open-mindedness

As Blaylock-Solar tells mindbodygreen, one benefit of throuple relationships is that they require open-mindedness and a certain dismantling of how relationships "should" be. Many people in throuples have had to examine how religion had a role in their upbringing and beliefs, for instance, she explains.

Because of this, people in throuples tend to be receptive to trying new things, experimenting, and figuring out what works best for them, instead of simply doing what's expected or normalized in wider culture.

Increased intimacy

Clear and direct communication is a huge part of all ENM relationships. Being able to have the sometimes challenging conversations about expectations, rules, and boundaries is what helps throuples navigate the relationship and stay connected. This results in increased emotional intimacy between all parties.

Not only that but increased emotional intimacy tends to result in greater sexual intimacy as well. And for folks in triads, having a third person in the bedroom can keep things fun and exciting.

More support

Whether we're talking financial support, emotional support, or simply support around the house keeping up with chores, having three people to tackle everything together can "lighten the load," so to speak, in a lot of ways.

Real stories of throuples

Here, some people who are in, or have been in, throuples, talk about what it is or was like for them:

The takeaway

Throuples or "triads" are a unique form of relationship between three consenting people who want to be a trio. At the end of the day, throuples, polyamory, other forms of ENM, and monogamy can all result in healthy and fulfilling relationships for everyone involved—it all comes down to personal desires and preferences.